Anger Is Your Biggest Enemy, Control It
Anger or wrath is an intense emotional response. It is an emotion that involves a strong uncomfortable and hostile response to a perceived provocation, hurt or threat. Anger is "an emotional state that varies in intensity from mild irritation to intense fury and rage," according to Charles Spielberger, PhD, a psychologist who specializes in the study of anger. Anger can be a good thing. It can give you a way to express negative feelings, for example, or motivate you to find solutions to problems. But excessive anger can cause problems. Increased blood pressure and other physical changes associated with anger make it difficult to think straight and harm your physical and mental health.
Verse 63, chapter 2, Bhagavad Gita
क्रोधाद्भवति सम्मोह: सम्मोहात्स्मृतिविभ्रम: |
स्मृतिभ्रंशाद् बुद्धिनाशो बुद्धिनाशात्प्रणश्यति || 63||
krodhād bhavati sammohaḥ sammohāt smṛiti-vibhramaḥ
smṛiti-bhranśhād buddhi-nāśho buddhi-nāśhāt praṇaśhyati
krodhāt—from anger; bhavati—comes; sammohaḥ—clouding of judgement; sammohāt—from clouding of judgement; smṛiti—memory; vibhramaḥ—bewilderment; smṛiti-bhranśhāt—from bewilderment of memory; buddhi-nāśhaḥ—destruction of intellect; buddhi-nāśhāt—from destruction of intellect; praṇaśhyati—one is ruined
Translation
Anger leads to clouding of judgment, which results in bewilderment of the memory. When the memory is bewildered, the intellect gets destroyed; and when the intellect is destroyed, one is ruined.
How to control
Here we discuss 20 easy ways to control anger. Before we start, I want to share a small story of a boy name Sid, who lives with his family in a small town. He was generous, kind and joyful, 12 year old boy. But he has one small problem, he was short tempered. Sometime even he regret what he said because of anger, but he is not able to control it. His father many times tried to explain him, that anger is not good for anybody.
One day he got so much angry and shouted on his best friend, just because of some misunderstanding. His friend got so hurt that he cried out in front of him but because of aggression Sid didn’t bother about it, and just walkout from there. He went home with full of aggression. His family get to know that he is in bad mood by his gesture. His parents know that he will not listen to anybody right now, so his father went to his friend’s house to get to know about the matter. But his friend is so hurt that he was just crying and crying and not able to tell anybody what happened between them. So his father went back to home.
After few hours when Sid’s aggression went down and he came out of his room, his father told him that your friend is so hurt that he is not talking to anybody and just crying. Sid went to his friend’s house and tried to meet him, but he didn’t meet him because of hurt. Sid came back home, with upset mood. His father asked him what happen to you now, he said “he is my best friend, I am feeling regret about what I said to him because of aggression. I am afraid that if he ever talk to me or not.” His father told him “you know what son, you need to control your aggression, not for other but for yourself”. But Sid said to him, I tried but I am not able to control it. Then his father told him come on my son I will tell you a unique way to control it.
His father take him to the fences and gave him a nail box and a hammer and told him whenever you get angry just come to the fences and hammer a nail into the fence. He looked at his father with doubt, but he didn’t say anything to him.
After two days he got angry on his mother, but he remembered his father’s words so he didn’t say anything to his mother and just walkout towards the fences take out a nail and hammered it into the fence, with each stroke he find that his anger amazingly going down. He started this process of controlling his anger since then. He saw a drastic change in his personality and people around him.
On one Sunday his father called him for help, to repair the fences. His father told him to take out all the nails from the fences. After that Sid looked at the fences and said to his father that the fences are looking really bad because of holes, nail ruined the fences. His father told him don’t worry son we can fix this, but you know we can’t fix someone’s heart who was hurt by anger or harsh words.
Anger or harsh words make holes in someone’s heart. Anger works as a hammer and harsh words work as a nail, together they make holes in heart. If you don’t want to make holes in heart, you need to control your anger. Following are the top 20 easy ways to control it.
Avoid and Escape: Sometimes, there’s little benefit to immediately facing the people or events that trigger your anger. In the short run, it might be better to avoid some people or situations until you develop additional skills to deal with them.
Exercise/Mediation: This is the best and the simplest way to keep our mind calm and Relaxed, Anger arises in us, due to frustration and stress, if we are stressed, for every small situation our reaction becomes wild and aggressive, hence Exercise and Yoga can help your brain to get calm and Stress free, doing this daily can be very Beneficial for you, and calm mind can avoid negativity, Hence do make it your daily habit, it will make your entire day peaceful and energetic.
Take some deep breaths: Deep, slow breathing helps counteract rising tension. The key is to breathe deeply from the abdomen, getting as much fresh air as possible into your lungs.
Tap it out: Try a little tapping, or Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT). EFT is a healing tool that helps reduce deep emotional responses so we can manage our lives more calmly. The whole EFT process includes a tapping routine and a mantra, but I find a simplified version just as effective. When you feel an intense emotion, just use your first two fingers and tap your collarbone until you feel calmer. If you start tapping quickly and then gradually slow your rhythm, you’ll find yourself calming down.
Count to ten: In your head or out loud, so you can cool down and see where you’re at afterward.
Use your anger as motivation to make a change: If your anger is coming from a situation or circumstance that you can change, do something about it! Use your anger as fuel to motivate you to make a change for the better. If you really hate your job and your boss did something that made you angry, direct that anger into positive action, get online and start searching for a new job or finally take action on that online business idea you’ve been too lazy or afraid to start working on. If someone is putting you down and making you angry, convert your anger into bold assertiveness and confront them about the issue, stand up for yourself. Missing your ex? Take your anger over your current situation and channel it into self-improvement - whether through working out, finding new interests or getting back into hobbies that fell by the wayside (incidentally, this is the best way to get your ex back). When you harness your anger to propel you into positive action, the anger will transform to feelings of power, which will leave you feeling much better.
Imagine something positive: Visualize a relaxing and calming experience from your past or get transported through your imagination to a place that instantly lifts up your mood.
You Are What You Eat: Have you noticed that on certain days you feel very calm and relaxed, and on some days, you are very restless? This is because the food you eat greatly affects your mind and your emotions. Certain types of food bring restlessness and tension in the mind and body. Avoiding such food - mainly non-vegetarian, spicy and oily foods, will help you to reduce your tendency to anger.
Smile: There is something absolutely magical about a smile. Try this for yourself – next time you are feeling blue, or red-hot with anger, smile. That’s all. Just force a smile onto your face. Did you know: It is physiologically impossible to have bad feelings if you are smiling. I realize it sounds a bit silly; but seriously, try it. It really works. If you wake up sad, stressed, or angry, smile at yourself in the mirror first thing in the morning. Just stand there and smile at yourself. Make yourself do it even if you don’t want to. Hold that smile until it’s genuine. Hold that smile until… You know what will happen? You’re going to burst out laughing whether you want to or not! Any time you feel bad, just smile. A smile that is genuine lights you up. It’s a physical action so in harmony with Love that it can’t help but make you feel better!
Move around: Movement helps to release accumulated energy so you can tackle the situation with a clear mind.
Think Rationally: You should think of the consequences when you get angry. What would be the end-result of your act of anger? Is it really worth the damage it will cause? You can’t always act on the spur of the moment. You’ve to be responsible and think about how or what you say or do, as that will affect you or the other person. Things like health, relationships, business, career and family need to be considered. Try to be logical and analyze the root cause of the problem that led to the anger instead of flowing away in the stream of negative emotions. Accept your angry feelings and adapt, adjust, compromise, negotiate, and talk about the trigger situations and its causes. Resolve the problem amicably and intelligently, and let your head overrule your heart while dealing with anger.
Use Humor: Get silly, particularly when dealing with children, a friend or partner who’s getting on your nerves. Humor can be a powerful tool to diffuse a stressful or annoying situation, and it can do wonders in alleviating negative feelings in our own minds. Next time you feel the anger swelling, and instead of hurling an insult, go ahead and crack a harmless or self-deprecating joke.
Hold off from reacting: In the heat of the moment your default response is to immediately retaliate. But science shows, any reaction caused by anger can fuel it even further rather than stopping it. In fact, the best thing to do is absolutely nothing. Tell yourself your rage is only temporary and the worst thing you can do is feed it. Control that rage for 2 minutes until you can respond appropriately (if needed) without any aggression or resentment. If you're in the midst of a conversation, say "I just need a second (or minute) to think" to give you time to clear your head and any tension you feel, and ask them to repeat or rephrase whatever they've said so that you can digest it.
Drink a glass of water: It’s also an easy way to calm your nerves.
Distract yourself: There are many ways to shift your focus from the situation at hand, so consider what works best for you. You might try listening to music, talking to a friend, watching TV or exercising.
Express your anger once you are calm: Do not say things at the heat of the moment. Once you calm down, express your views on things that are bothering you. This will help you express better without hurting anyone.
Cognitive Restructuring: Simply put, this means changing the way you think. Angry people tend to curse, swear, or speak in highly colorful terms that reflect their inner thoughts. When you're angry, your thinking can get much exaggerated and overly dramatic. Try replacing these thoughts with more rational ones. For instance, instead of telling yourself, "oh, it's awful, it's terrible, everything's ruined," tell yourself, "it's frustrating, and it's understandable that I'm upset about it, but it's not the end of the world and getting angry is not going to fix it anyhow."
Use calming scents: If you have a place or a room where you often feel calm and relaxed, buy a scent you love for the room, such as lavender. When you are in the room, you will associate the smell with feeling calm and content. If you carry a scented cloth with you as well, you can use it later in stressful situations to help you feel calm and relaxed.
Find a “peaceful” role model: This may seem like an odd thing to do. But, trust me. It works. If you are an angry person, I know you’re aware of people in your life that you admire for their calm and peaceful demeanor. Learn from them. Watch them handle stress and pressure. Now, I am not saying being a copycat. Rather, just like anything in life – learn from the masters.
Sleep: It's difficult to maintain a level head when you feel too tired to do anything else. Taking a rest or improving your quality of sleep might help you feel better equipped to handle your anger.